i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Randomize
