Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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