its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
