I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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