So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
