Sponge bath it is.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
