Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
