This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
