Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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