I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
