im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Randomize
