I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
