So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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