He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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