my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
