Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
