I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
