her vagine was all disorganized.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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