get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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