I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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