I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
