my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize