we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
