I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
