I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
