Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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