Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
don't judge my taste in strippers
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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