i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize