Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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