Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Randomize
