Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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