it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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