it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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