i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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