I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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