Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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