There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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