it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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