babies were throwing up all over the place
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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