i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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