so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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