im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize