It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
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