She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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