She's JV to your varsity
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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