Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
