he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
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