OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
