Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
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