Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize