can we get nightvision for the apartment?
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
