Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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