genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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