he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
