If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
