He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
