why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Blood and glitter go together right?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
