you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
