im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
my poor anus
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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