I want to walk on stilts...naked
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
