Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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