we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
