worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
