Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
