It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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