moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize