my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
