why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
