There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
