i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
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