So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
