you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Randomize
