she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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