I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Randomize
