Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
