if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
