We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
