You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Randomize
