is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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