until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
