3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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