I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
