We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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